10 years ago today, this was me.

31+3 weeks pregnant with my twins, and on this night, cold and nasty 1st July 2005, I had Pprom ( preterm premature rupture of membranes ).

I usually dread this date, but this year has brought a new dread, the feeling of a decade past.

So fresh in my mind and my body, yet so long ago.

We all have these dates, ones that mean the world to you alone, and nothing to anyone else.

I couldn’t even look at these photos until a a few years ago.

The pj’s my thoughtful mum had brought me into the hospital as I had no bag.

The room I shared with 3 women who had all given birth, their babies next to them. This felt perhaps the most cruel, as I knew mine would not be with me.

The face of pretend smiling on my lips, but deadpan eyes that at times can remain with me in flashbacks.

I have cried many times in the weeks leading up to today, as the premature birth of my girls has left its scar, on their brains and for that I will never ever ‘get over it’.

Yet, today there has been few tears, perhaps I am cried out. Perhaps the birth of 6 guinea pig babies this morning helped, or maybe I have allowed my mind and body to be whatever it wants today, and so it has been, okay.

I have some pretty thoughtful friends, I have had phone calls and messages today, cheering me on and acknowledging the date. That is powerful stuff.

I have debated writing anything in here today, as I don’t want to indulge the selfish side of me that cries out to be heard.

Instead, if you feel like sharing your date/dates that are significant to you, then please write them in here or share a photo etc and I will take note.

Now, it’s bedtime, 10 years older, I hope wiser, and with 2 girls to cherish and celebrate with in a few days time. 💗💗